


And now this could be the last of all the rides we take (so hold on tight and don't look back)

by DestielIsFuckinReal



Series: Season 15 codas [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Coda, Do I tag it as mcd, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, First Kiss, M/M, Post-Season/Series Finale, They/them Jack, but anyway, but given that it's a stupid ass decision, i recognize the council has made a decision, i've elected to ignore it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:54:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27647792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielIsFuckinReal/pseuds/DestielIsFuckinReal
Summary: Memento mori. Remember death.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Season 15 codas [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1520546
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	And now this could be the last of all the rides we take (so hold on tight and don't look back)

**Author's Note:**

> Our expectations for you were _low_ , but **holy fuck**

Memento mori. Remember death. God knows how many times Dean Winchester died, both he and his brother. The Winchester curse, that's what they called it the last time it happened, as a joke more than anything. Sam said, «It's like we have an unlimited subway pass but it's death» to which Dean laughed. But this time, it feels too final, too much like the end. This time, he doesn't want to come back, he's tired, he lost everyone, he just can't do it anymore. But not Sam. Sam has to go on, has to leave this life behind and live the one he deserves, the one he was supposed to have if it wasn't for Dean going back to fuck it all up so many years ago. He deserves better than this shit.

Slipping away now is no different from last time, and when he closes his eyes, it's just like falling asleep.

When Dean wakes up again, he's in a field, the sun kissing his skin and the dirt crunching under his boots. He looks around, a faint breeze blows from east, moving the leaves of the trees in a gentle rustle. There's some sort of cabin in front of him, and hills as far as the eye can see.

«Well» he says, squinting at the sun, «at least I made it to Heaven»

«Yep» someone says to his right. He turns to the voice, only to find Bobby smirking at him, trucker hat and that damn sleeveless jacket on.

«Which memory is this?»

«It ain't, ya idjit» Bobby says and Dean almost cries. He missed the old man.

«Yes, it is» Dean insists, «because the last I heard, you were in heaven's lock up»

« _Was_ , now I'm not» Bobby scoffs, «That kid of yours, before they went... wherever, made some changes here, busted my ass out» Dean sits on the empty chair as Bobby explains how Jack changed Heaven in the best way it could be, taking down walls and all, making it what it's supposed to be.

Dean takes the beer Bobby gives him, he looks at everything around him, at the horizon that disappears in a blurred line over the body of water sparkling some feet away from where he's sitting. «So Jack did all that?»

«Well» Bobby says, a smile hidden behind the neck of his bottle, «Cas helped»

Dean looks down. He grins at the mention of his angel's name, heart beating in his chest. It's been a week, maybe two, since he last saw him, since Cas dropped the l-bomb and the Empty swallowed him whole. So maybe... Just maybe...

There's noise from inside the cabin, when Jo barges out the door with the same finesse as a docker.

«Dean fuckin' Winchester!» she yells.

Dean has the time to stand up that Jo's arms close around him and she squeezes him with much force than she seems to have. When they part, she punches him on the arm, «The fuck are you doing here?»

«Oh, you know» he replies sarcastic, «just passing by, to say hi»

Jo gives him a look, arms crossed over her chest, before asking, «Sam with you?»

«No, no, he...» Dean clears his throat, and Jo's expression changes in something more serious, «He deserves better»

«I'm sorry»

Dean waves one hand as to say don't worry about it, when Ellen comes out too, followed by another person.

«Oh my God!» she breathes, hugging him in an instant. Charlie makes a sound between a squeal and a sob, before she hugs him too, saying over and over «You shouldn't be here»

Dean kisses her head, in her hair he says, «Neither should you»

Charlie angrily wipes at her tears, looking smaller than ever in her Iron Man tshirt and oversized flannel. «It's not fair» she mutters, and Dean just holds her tighter.

They catch up a little. Dean listens to Charlie talk on and on about that time she met Carrie Fisher and Stan Lee, and how she cried when she saw Chadwick Boseman join only few months ago. He sees Bobby walk around the porch, making his way to Ellen to kiss her cheek, and Jo making a gagging noise in the back.

«You got everything you could ever want» Ellen says then.

«Or need» Jo adds.

«Or dream» Charlie joins in with a knowing smirk on her face.

«So I guess the question is» Bobby says, «what are you gonna do now, Dean?»

Dean chuckles, looking out at the once empty clearing where a black shiny car is now sitting. He sighs, «I think I'll go for a drive»

Jo and Charlie roll their eyes and Ellen looks at him with exasperated fondness while Bobby barks out a laugh.

«Knock yourself out, kid»

\---

Dean drives and drives and drives. He drives until the trees turn into fields and the fields give in to deserts and then asphalt, the radio going from Kansas to Metallica to Guns n Roses. He drives past towns and cities, some near the ocean, some near mountains, all of them where he killed a monster or two, with John, or Sam, or Cas, even. He drives past abandoned barns and farmhouses, past villages that don't exist anymore and a lone wall that holds up nothing except Croatoan written by a fast hand in angry red letters. He drives until he sees a motel that looks like any other one he and Sam crashed in. There's no one at the front desk, and Dean takes the liberty to grab a random key and take a room, where the walls are covered in tacky wallpaper that resembles the carpet of the Overlook Hotel and a curtain of beads separates the bedroom from the kitchen with a small fridge and a smaller oven. Dean sits on the bed, runs one hand over the comforter that has seen better days, when the door opens and Jack walks inside. They're dressed in the same clothes they had when the three of them defeated Chuck, and Dean doesn't know why he was expecting the kid in a white suit, like Morgan Freeman in _Bruce almighty_.

Jack raises one hand in their usual dorky salute, «Hello»

«Hey, kid» Dean smiles up at them, then pats the empty space next to him, «come on, sit down»

Jack does as they're told, then after a moment, they hug Dean. «I'm sorry it had to go this way»

«Hey, it's alright, not your fault»

«Sam told me, he... He prayed to me when he burned your body»

Dean sniffles, looks down at his hands, «Yeah, hunter funeral and all that, I told him I didn't want to go back this time» he looks back up at Jack, «I like what you did with the place, by the way»

Jack lights up like a goddamn Christmas tree, «I had some help»

«Yeah,» Dean smiles, «Bobby said Cas helped you»

Jack nods, «Yes, he did»

Dean looks at the ugly green-brown comforter, the orange-on-red polygons on the wall, at anything but Jack when he says, «I thought it was final this time, you know? That he was dead for real» 

«You more than anyone know that dead doesn't mean gone»

Dean squints at them, «Did you get this from _Netflix_?»

Jack hesitates, «... No?»

Dean raises one eyebrow and Jack rolls their eyes in a typical teenager fashion, «Ok, maybe» and Dean laughs. «But seriously, though» Jack says, «when I brought everyone back, I heard Adam's prayer, but instead of Michael, it was me who answered, I told him everything that happened, and he asked me if I could bring him back, so I went to the Empty and got them out»

«And is Cas...?»

«He's here, somewhere, you just have to pray»

\---

Before Jack can go away, Dean asks them one last thing: to go to Sam and tell him to get out and far away from this life as possible, to marry Eileen and start a family with her, it's the only thing he asks of his brother. Jack nods and walks out the door the way they came, leaving Dean alone.

Dean sits again at the edge of the bed, eyes closed and hands clasped together.

 _Cas_ , he prays, _I haven't done this properly in a long time, but if you can hear me, I--_

He doesn't finish that he hears a flap of wings, something he hasn't heard in years. He opens his eyes and finds the angel standing right there. Castiel. _Cas_. All crazy blue eyes and trench coat and sassy scowl.

«Hello, Dean» he says and Dean rushes to him.

«You fuckin' idiot!» he tells him. Dean hand finds its way to Cas's tie and he yanks him forward, crashing their lips together. After the initial shock, Cas kisses him back. Dean dreamed this moment for so many years, but nothing compares to the real thing. Cas's hands move to the back of Dean's neck, caressing the short hair there, and Dean just presses Cas closer.

«You can have this» Dean breathes when they part, «you can have everything, hell Cas, I never thought I could love someone this much, but I do, you're it for me, so yeah, you can have this, for the rest of eternity if you want»

Cas's smile is blinding, and all Dean can do is smile back.

«For someone who claims to not watch romcoms, that was incredibly cheesy» Cas says.

Dean rolls his eyes, faking annoyance, «Not a word with anyone»

«No promises»

«I missed your annoying ass» Dean says, then, «I love you»

«I love you too»

**Author's Note:**

> And THAT'S how you end a show, instead of some Game of Thrones level shit.


End file.
